Another day spent dealing with the monsters called job angst and creeping, crawling, dread-filled worry about the future. I have been to no less than two dozen (probably many more) job boards and publishing house Web sites today. I have scrolled through job listings till my eyes began to glaze over. I have applied for six jobs in four different cities. And I got a very polite email from St. Aldate's Church, Oxford, the site of my dream internship next year, informing me that they can only cover a quarter of my tuition. Do they honestly EXPECT recent (like last week) college graduates to have 1500 pounds (not dollars!) of their own, in addition to covering half their own food and all their own incidental expenses? Give me a break!

That being said, as I keep trying to remind myself, I do have the summer to fret about it...I mean, work in Abilene, not pay rent, immerse myself in community at Highland, and figure out what I'm doing next. When the lease on my little house is up, I will pack my capri pants, coffee mugs, Kathleen Norris and Joanne Harris books (among others), scrapbooking paraphernalia and beloved old journals, and move three blocks east to another safe place. Not my house, not a permanent home, but a place where I'm welcome. A place where I can relax (at least after work) and try to "contemplate my future," as Scott keeps telling me to do. I really hope it doesn't involve moving to a random big city without a job. I'd be fine moving somewhere random WITH a job...but steady income of some kind is a must. Not just a plus.

I do miss my beloved Abilene family, aka the ladies of House 9 and others of my Oxford beloved, who are sallying forth to new jobs, internships and adventures. My circle is slowly closing...Betsy and Jeremiah leave this week, Bethany leaves next week. But it will be a good summer...sunny and literary and somewhat peaceful. If I can keep the blanket of paranoia from suffocating me.